i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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