how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
