Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
