so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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