well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
