I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
