nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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