Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
