when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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