So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
