Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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