i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
