im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
