My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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