I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
