Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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