Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
