i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize