went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
