I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
