I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
third nipple confirmed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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