Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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