so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am available for nakedness
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
