Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
