Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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