she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
