So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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