your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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