Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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