oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
