She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
