You made me cry and you don't even care
My liver just broke up with me...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
