Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
