Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Randomize