You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
