Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So many bounce houses so little time
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well I just put wine in my tea
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
