I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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