you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
