Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
