I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
