Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
its not stalking. its research.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
