I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Couch. On fire.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
