literally had 100 drinks last night.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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