hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize