Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
