CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
