A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize