sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
