i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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