I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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