I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
