The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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