we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
