She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
