One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
