"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
