Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
