I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize