I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
