Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
