yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize