i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
